Who's The Decider at Home?
On Friday we discussed fairness in divvying up household tasks, but what about in dividing decision-making authority?

A half-century ago, this wasn't complicated. For the most part men's and women's household roles-and their decision-making domains-were more defined: Women made most child-rearing/cooking/cleaning/daily-shopping decisions and men were in control of major financial matters. Now, of course, such lines are far more blurred in most families.

While many couples strive to make major decisions (like schooling or discipline philosophies) together as a unit, in many cases each partner needs to cede certain decisions to the other partner, without micro-managing, second-guessing or, the opposite, being too hands-off. What's more, discussing every little decision-when should we schedule the pediatrician appointment or what should baby eat for breakfast-with your spouse can be time-consuming and inefficient, producing bottlenecks in our daily routines.

As author Sandra Tsing Loh wrote in a recent New York Times op-ed piece: 'What can turn into a second shift is not just negotiating the splitting of this labor with another person, but the splitting of decision-making authority. Two co-workers in the home also have the opportunity to regularly evaluate each other's handiwork, not always to a positive effect.'

One colleague, for instance, who took several months of maternity leave when her child was born, but now is back in the office while her husband is home, says that she 'has to pull back from micromanaging' from afar her husband's day with their son. 'It's so hard to let go!' she says.

Readers, how do you divide up decision-making in your families? Do you make most decisions jointly, or do you each take control over certain decisions, such as spending or scheduling or daily discipline? Are either you or your partners guilty of micromanaging or second-guessing-or are you more hands-off?

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