马乔里·拜尔曾经拿自己的退休计划开玩笑。她没有结婚,也没有孩子,但她并不想孤独终老—她和单身朋友们将搬到一个想象中的家园,名为“魅力女孩之家”。拜尔在52岁时患上了脑癌,但正如她所希望的那样,她的朋友和家人为她提供了终极的爱与关怀。
Marjorie Baer used to joke about her retirement plans. She wasn\'t married and had no kids, but she didn\'t intend to be alone—she and all her single friends would move into a fictional home she called Casa de Biddies. Instead, Baer developed terminal brain cancer when she was 52. But just as she\'d hoped, her friends and family provided her with love and care to the end.
Baer\'s friends Lee Ballance and Mary Selkirk were walking their dog one afternoon in July 2006 when they saw an ambulance in front of her house. Baer had had a seizure and collapsed. Ballance, a physician, hopped in his car and followed the ambulance to the hospital to be at Baer\'s side while doctors tried to figure out what was going on. When they did, the news wasn\'t good: She had glioblastoma multiforme, a particularly aggressive form of brain cancer.
Ballance was only the first of Baer\'s friends who became her unofficial caregivers. Until her brother Phil Baer put his marriage and work in Los Angeles on hold to care for his sister during her final weeks, they cobbled together a system to watch over their friend and allow her to keep some of the privacy and independence she cherished.
Baer\'s good friend Ruth Henrich took the lead. That seemed natural: Henrich, then 58, and Baer both worked in publishing and lived in the same duplex. Though busy in her job as an associate managing editor at salon.com, Henrich took Baer to doctors\' appointments and helped her deal with all the aspects of life that were becoming increasingly mysterious to her—answering machines, TV controls, and even phone numbers. After Henrich sent out an e-mail request, a group of volunteers signed up to ferry Baer back and forth to radiation therapy. Others in Baer\'s circle offered up particular talents: A nurse friend helped Baer figure out how to get what she was due from Social Security and her disability insurance; an attorney pal helped Baer with her will; a buddy who was an accountant took over her bills when she could no longer manage them. "There was this odd sense that the right person always showed up," says Ballance.
Not that it was easy. "I had to know at all times who was going to be there and anticipate what Marjorie would need next, so it was always on my mind," says Henrich. "It was something I wanted to do, but it also never went away." Still, their jury-rigged arrangement worked remarkably well. Even as Baer lost the ability to read and write and engage in conversation over the course of the year, she was able to continue to live on her own, walk to the market, take the subway to painting classes, and even fly to Iowa by herself to visit her brother Tom and his family.
"She was a generous person," says another friend, Elizabeth Whipple, "and it came back to her in truckloads." ()