春节临近，情人节也近了，女生要出门约会，最头疼的一件事就是穿什么衣服。如果这是你第一次约会就更麻烦了。相信看了本文，你至少会知道，什么是千万不能穿的。
First dates are always nerve-wracking -- that's a given. So many questions! Where will we go? What if I'm gassy? Should I let him pay or should I offer to split the tab? What will we talk about? Will he like me? More importantly, will I like him?
第一次约会总是很紧张的，这是肯定的。你会有很多问题：我们去哪？他觉得我没内涵咋办？我是让他请还是各付各的？跟他说点啥？他会喜欢我吗？更重要的是，我会喜欢他吗？
All valid queries, but possibly the most pressing question any of us worry about is, what in the hell am I going to wear?
在我们担心的所有问题里，最正常但可能也是最有压力的一个是，我到底应该穿啥？
I am not a fashionista. Let me get that right out of the way. My jeans are Levi's and the only Prada I own was purchased off eBay. As I write this, I'm wearing a Gap T-shirt covered in cat hair and yellow ankle socks with bumblebees embroidered on them.
我也不是啥时尚达人。咱就直接说了，我的牛仔裤是Levi's,唯一一个Prada还是eBay上买的。我写这篇文章的时候，我穿的是Gap大卖场的T恤，上面粘的都是猫毛，一双有大黄蜂团的黄色短袜。
But while I don't know where hemlines are headed or what color will be the new black next season, I do have a handle on what you shouldn't wear on a date -- especially a first date.
不过就算我不知道裙摆应该朝哪边，啥颜色会进入下一季的黑名单，我的的确确知道你约会不能穿啥，尤其是第一次约会的时候。
Under where?
内衣穿啥？
Bad underwear isn't necessarily ugly or old. It's the bra that pushes your boobies up beautifully, but pinches your underarm chub. It's the boyshorts you paid $50 for, but ride up your butt crack every time you climb a stair.
不是只有难看的或者旧的内裤才是糟糕的。就算你的内衣可以很好的衬托出你的胸型，把你腋下的肉挤得跟鲑鱼似的也不行。你可能花了50块钱买了条低腰平脚短裤，但是每次你爬个台阶你的屁屁都快裂开了，这都是糟糕的。
And yes, sexy Underoos can make a girl feel sassy, but that effect is lost when you're constantly digging elastic out of your behind.
是，性感型的能让一姑娘觉得自己挺时髦的，不过你总得去拽后边的松紧带的话，就啥效果都没了。
Battle of "The Bulge"
和"赘肉"的战斗
While it's true that support garments count as underwear, I thought the scourge of the Spanx deserved its own entry. I once wore one of these Instruments of Torture on a TV audition and I'm sure the pained look on my face went a long way towards ensuring you'll never see me on prime time.
塑型美体的也算内衣，我承认，我以为Spanx牌子带来的折磨是值得的。我曾经穿了这种残忍的刑具去参加一个电视试镜，我确定我调整了好久才没让你们在电视上看见我疼得龇牙咧嘴的样子。