SAT考试写作满分范文鉴赏(6)(2)

　　The negative psychological repercussions of World War one and two served to give people, particulary Europeans, a less optimistic view of the world and of mankind. The change in weaponry and style of warfare, visible in the example of Silko’s Ceremony, contribute to the the idea that the world was not changing for the better; the new warriors of Ceremony could not be healed, and the optimistic, naive vision of pre-world war two Europe could not be restored. If man could cause such immense physical and psychological destruction with the products of scientific change, the world could not have changed for the better.

　　Score Explanation SAT写作6分范文点评

　　This outstanding essay insightfully and effectively develops the point of view that “If man could cause such immense physical and psychological destruction with the products of scientific change, the world could not have changed for the better.” The writer demonstrates outstanding critical thinking by focusing on clearly appropriate evidence from literature and history to support this position. The essay begins by describing Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony as a novel in which the "protagonist, Tayo, a young native american veteran," becomes representative of the "many damaged young native americans" who returned from World War II. Traumatized by the "new warfare in which soldiers shoot blindly across distances," these former soldiers pose a threat of "disintegration of the tribe as old healing techniques fail." Next, the response discusses "A similar mental disintegration, tied in with a lack of optimism" in Europe following World War I, as "old Enlightenment ideas of rational thought, pro美国GREss, and the goodness of mankind" were challenged by "New weapons such as mustard gas and machine guns" that "could kill thousands in unspeakably brutal ways" and therefore "crush the morale of the European populace and …discourage optimism with regard to scientific pro美国GREss." This well-organized and clearly focused essay demonstrates coherence and pro美国GREssion of ideas. Several capitalization errors are offset by the essay's consistently skillful use of language and meaningful variety in sentence structure ("The change in weaponry and style of warfare, visible in the example of Silko's Ceremony, contribute to the the idea that the world was not changing for the better; the new warriors of Ceremony could not be healed, and the optimistic, naive vision of pre-world war two Europe could not be restored"). This, this essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and is scored 6.

（责任编辑 陈奕璇）