A farmer has five sons.They are Ted,Bob,Tom,John and Bill. John has no elder brother. He was four years older when his first younger brother was born. The number of Tom‘s elder brothers is equal to his younger brothers. Bill will be twenty-one years old next year, and he is five years older than Bob. Bob is two years younger than Tom. Ted was sad because he has no younger brother. There are twelve years between him and John.

批 改 老 师counter

评 分95分

级 别优秀

批 改

1. 标题 "Farmer five sons", 不太符合英语的表达习惯。 建议改成：Farmer's five sons. 加上's , “...的”即：名词所有格，意思为：农民的五个儿子。 这样表达更地道。

2. He was four years older when his first younger brother was born. 本句中older 是形式词old的比较级，后通常接than....，引出比较的对象。本句有两种改法：改法1: 将er去掉。 即： He was four year old when his first younger brother was born.改法2: 引入than, 同时加上比较对象。即: He was four years older than his first younger brother when he was born.

3. The number of Tom‘s elder brothers is equal to his younger brothers. 这里应该是用错了词吧。number 是“号码，数量”的意思。 而本文谈的年龄之间的比较。 建议将其换成： age. 意思是：“岁数，年龄”。 本句最好改成：The age of Tom‘s elder brother is equal to that of his younger brother. 此句中，that 相当于前面的age. 避免重复。

参考例句(

文)1. Farmer's five sons

2. He was four year old when his first younger brother was born.
或：He was four years older than his first younger brother when he was born

3. The age of Tom‘s elder brother is equal to that of his younger brother.

点 评

本文在行文过程中，语言比较流畅，表达相对到位。时间状语从句，原因状语从句的恰当使用是本文的一大亮点。

不足之处：个别地方选词上有待于斟酌。

给 分 理 由

1. Older 表达不妥，扣2 分。这一部分建议你能够好好思考一下。 我所给出的两种改法，请结合你要表达的实际意思来参考。
2 . The number 处选词不恰当，扣3 分。这一部分可能是你的笔下之误而错选了词。以后写作文时认真思考后再下笔应该会更好。 加油。