Beijing Olympic Games is the 29th Olympic Games.It will last16 days, since August 8, 2008, carry on 28 matches of 302 little projects, sell 7 million tickets. In order to further improve the traffic environment, the expressway of Beijing will increase from present 500 kilometers to 718 kilometers,Beijing will let the going out swift, on time, security of people participating in Olympic Games.Hope Beijing Olympic Games can be succeeded in holding！
批 改 老 师counter
评 分 87分
级 别 优秀
批 改
1. It will last16 days, since August 8, 2008, carry on 28 matches of 302 little projects, sell 7 million tickets. 本句中，助动词will后面通管了三个动词原形结构，分别是：last..., carry on..., sell...。 针对此种情况，应该在最后一个动词结构sell前加上连词and 将其连接起来。 即： and sell 7million tickets. 譬如： I want to go swimming, take a walk and fly a kite. 这里的and 是一定要有的，起连接作用。
2. the expressway of Beijing will increase from present 500 kilometers to 718 kilometers, 这里请注意前面的红色标点符号。英语中，当一个句子的意思完整地表达出来后，结尾一般是用句号的。应将" , "改为“.”英语中的句号有别于汉语，通常是一个实心的小圆点。
3. Beijing will let the going out swift, on time, security of people participating in Olympic Games. 本句中， 几处红色表达比较晦涩。 建议将the 改为them (这里指车辆)；swift 是形容词，应该变成副词swiftly用于修饰前面的动词going out; On time可换成meantime(与此同时)，security of 是名词结构，应该换成现在分词形式：securing (保护...安全)，用法为现在分词作伴随状语。 改后的句子是：Beingjing will let them going out swiftly, meantime, securing the people participating in Olypic Games.
4. Hope Beijing Olympic Games can be succeeded in holding！这里应将succeeded 改为successful. 原因是：succeed in (在...上获得成功)，这里的succeed 是不及物动词（ vi.）, 不及物动词是没有被动语态的。
参考例句
(文)1. It will last16 days, since August 8, 2008, carry on 28 matches of 302 little projects, and sell 7 million tickets.
2. In order to further improve the traffic environment, the expressway of Beijing will increase from present 500 kilometers to 718 kilometers. (末尾变成了句号)
3.Beingjing will let them going out swiftly, meantime, securing the people participating in Olypic Games.
4. Hope Beijing Olympic Games can be successful in holding！
点 评
本文表意清楚，用词恰当，能够用变换的句式将北京奥运会这一情况记录下来。 这一点很值得肯定。
不足之处在于：行文过程中，应该注意句子间的衔接。在适当的地方用上适当的衔接词（如：连词）是很必要的。个别词的用法（如：succeed），你应该再仔细考究一下。
给 分 理 由
1. 缺连接词and, 扣2分。
2.标点符号使用不当，扣1分。
3. Beijing will let the going out swift, on time, security of people participating in Olympic Games. 本句中出现四处严重的表达错误，扣8分。
4. succeed用法错误，扣2分。