习作原文

Just now ,I entered the website-"Topic for today" I feel interested in the report on banning the use of the cellphones on campus in middle schools.

In face more students now come to school with cellphones .My classmates have different opinions .Some think it is convenient to get in touch with parents ,then we'll feel more safe .And there are also some students don't agree that.They think the cellphone is not a must in school, because some students often send e-messages with cellphones ,which will have bad effects on their study.

In my opinion ,the cellphone is a usefool tool in our daily life ,but it doesn't mean we can use freely in school.

批 改 老 师 maotouying 评 分 92分 级 别 优秀 批 改

1.In face more students now come to school with cellphones .这是个半截句子，将前面in face去掉，整个句子就可以作为一个独立句子使用了。

2.My classmates have different opinions .Some think it is convenient to get in touch with parents ,then we'll feel more safe .本句话中是我的同学觉得怎么怎么样，后面we'll 就应该用they‘ll。在人称上应保持一致。

3.And there are also some students don't agree that.本句话中应该在students 后面加who进行引导，另外，agree后面应加with.

4.They think the cellphone is not a must in school, must不是一个名词,此处可以使用necessary

参考例句(文)

1.more students now come to school with cellphones .

2.And there are also some students who don't agree with that.

3.They think the cellphone is not a necessary in school.

点 评

本文层次清楚，结构完整，段落分明。

第一段引出话题，第二段阐述分歧，最后一段提出自己的观点。

本文言简意赅，短小精悍。

文中的不足之处，人称上的不一致，以及一些习惯性的中国式英语表达，作者今后要注意下细节。

给 分 理 由

文中语法句法上的错误，总共有5处，各扣2分；

本文的亮点是段落清晰，结构明确，内容上观点鲜明，且全面，给分上加2分；

最后得分92分。

批改满意度 100%