What Mother Taught Me

      My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:

　　“If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”
    
      My mother taught me religion:

　　“You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

　　My mother taught me about time travel:

　　“If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

　　My mother taught me logic:

　　“Because I said so, that's why!”

　　My mother taught me foresight:

　　“Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.”

　　My mother taught me about contortion:

　　“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”

　　My mother taught me about stamina:

　　“You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished.”

　　My mother taught me about weather:

　　“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

　　My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:

　　“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?”

　　My mother taught me about hypocrisy:

　　“If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!!!”

　　My mother taught me about envy:

　　“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!”

    【中文译文】：

　　母亲教我的

　　我母亲教我如何珍惜他人辛苦劳动：

　　“如果你们要打架，到外边打去——我刚整理好房间！”

　　我母亲教我什么是宗教：

　　“你最好祈祷那个东西能从地毯下冒出来。”

　　我母亲教我什么是时间旅行：

　　“你要是不改，我把你一把推到下周三！”(意为：不让过周末。)

　　我母亲教我什么是逻辑：

　　“为什么？因为我就是这么说的！”

　　我母亲教我什么是远见：

　　“一定要穿干净内衣，以防万一你遇到事故。”

　　我母亲教我什么是柔体杂技：

　　“你能不能看看你脖子后面的泥！”

　　我母亲教我什么是耐力：

　　“坐在那儿，直到把所有的菠菜吃完。”

　　我母亲教我认识天气：

　　“好像有龙卷风席卷过你的房间。”

　　我母亲教我如何解决物理学问题：

　　“如果我高声叫喊，是因为我看见有一颗流星正朝你俯冲而来，那你会不会听我的话？”

　　我母亲教我什么是伪善：

　　“如果我曾告诉过你一次，我实际上已告诉过你百万次——不许夸张!!!”

　　我母亲教我什么是嫉妒：

　　“这世界上有数百万不幸的孩子，他们可没有你这么好的父母。”[page]分页标题[/page]

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