One of my longest-running battles with my kids is about manners specifically, about whether it's necessary to send hand-written thank-you notes for gifts. I say yes, and my children have continued throughout their teens to write the notes. But they grumble that I'm out of step with the times.

　　If a new BabyCenter poll is any guide, I'm not alone. A surprisingly large number of parents still insist that their children practice such old-fashioned manners as putting pen-to-paper to say thank you, treating adults with respect and addressing adults as 'Mr., Mrs. or Miss.' A majority of the 1,000 parents surveyed also said they insist at dinner that children keep napkins in their laps, ask to be excused from the table and refrain from talking with a full mouth.

　　Among the reasons cited most often by parents, BabyCenter says, is that 'the world is a more free-wheeling place, and they want to give their kids a stronger moral compass to guide them.' This thinking was affirmed by 64% of those surveyed. And 58% say they see so many badly behaved kids around them that they're determined to raise their children differently.

　　This poses a particular challenge for parents who work outside the home and must find a sitter, nanny or other child-care provider who will insist on the manners they consider most important.

　　Pediatrician Perri Klass wrote recently in the New York Times about her annoyance at a rude, demanding child who was among her longtime patients. Although she veiled her injunctions to the mother in euphemisms, talking to her about 'setting limits,' Dr. Klass wrote, 'I do pass judgment' on kids with bad manners 'and so does every pediatrician I know.' Rude kids make her wonder whether the family is dysfunctional, among other things, she says. The whole 'manners' concept might seem a bit quaint, she says, until you recast it as 'social skills' a hot-button child-development issue, as I wrote in a recent column.

　　Readers, what manners do you insist upon for your children? Has other kids' bad behavior led you to toughen your standards? Do the strict rules embraced by parents in the BabyCenter survey seem right, or too formal?

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