Not so perfect cards

Cards for the "not so perfect" relationship:

You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.

I know how to push all my wife's buttons ... now if I could only find the one marked OFF!

I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.

They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars.
Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.