Nowaday many families have only one child. Also appare have many question .In the past ,when child can go to school by themslfves .They also usually help their mum do some homework .when they grow up ,many children have very good independence and a habit .But now when child go to school must need parents bring they to school ,When after school ,they must need they parents take away school too .everthing needs their parents. When they grow up ,the independence is very badly .for example they cannot help do much homework and so on .
批 改 老 师 tsing1988 评 分 91分 级 别 优秀 批 改
文章谈论了的主题是独生子女中出现的问题,小作者在议论中出现了一些语言表达不够完整、语法上的错误,内容方面有待完善。希望批改中的建议能对你有所帮助。下面一一分析有待改进的地方:
- Nowaday many families have only one child. 这句话之后再加上一句,They are the apple of their parents' eyes.黄颜色标记的部分是一个俗语,意思是:掌上明珠。"独生子女是父母的掌上明珠,但是又出现了很多问题"。这样就可以更好地过渡到后面的内容。 nowaday应改成nowadays.
- Also appare have many question .这里出现了两个谓语,显然要删去一个,"出现问题"可以用there be或者appear,不用have。改成:There are also many problems.
- In the past ,when child can go to school by themslfves . when是引导时间状语从句的,而这里child can go to school by themslfves 应该是一个句子,不是从句,要删去when。并且动词时态运用错误,In the past 是过去时间状语,句子中的时态要用过去时,因此can 改为过去式could. child要用复数形式children,因为不只一个孩子,和后面的themselves要相对应。
- They also usually help their mum do some homework . also和usually不连在一起运用,这样意思累赘。应该去掉其中一个。句子中时态用错,这里同样是在讲述过去的孩子们,因此要用过去时。help改为helped. 句子中的"家务活"表达错误,应该是housework, 作者用的"homework"是"家庭作业"的意思。
- when they grow up ,many children have very good independence and a habit .habit用复数habits更准确,grow的时态形式同样要用过去时态grew.
- But now when child go to school must need parents bring they to school ,首先句末要用句号,因为这是一句完整的话。这个句子结构混乱,原因就是中式英语表达,用中文的意思直接用词语连接而成,这样会造成结构上的错误。建议这样写:But now children can not go to school without their parents' help.
- When after school ,they must need they parents take away school too . 这篇文章中when 用得太多,显得重复啰嗦,这里直接用after school就可以作为时间状语,为避免重复,不用when."take away"的意思是"带走",作者想表达的应该是"接孩子",但是take away不能表达这个意思,应该用"pick up"。"they"是主格形式,这里应改成their。need 后面要用不定式,they need their parents to pick them up too.
- everthing needs their parents. 这句话是另起的一句,第一个单词要大写,Everything needs their parents.
- When they grow up ,the independence is very badly .badly 改成形容词形式bad.
- for example they cannot help do much homework and so on .这里是另起一句话,第一个单词要大写。for example后面要加逗号。For example, they can not help do much housework and so on .liuxuepaper.com