The nice men are ugly. 好男人不帅。 The handsome men are not nice. 帅男人不好。 The handsome and nice men are gay. 又帅又好的男人是同性恋。 The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 又帅又好又不是同性恋的男人都结婚了。 Men who are not so handsome but are nice men have...

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Some people just aren't happy unless they have something to complain about. I stayed in a beautiful hotel right on the beach in California -- an idyllic spot, you would think. But while I was waiting to check out, I heard the manager ask another guest, "D...

英文 双语 英文笑话

加菲猫之经典语录(双语版) Money is not everything. There’s Mastercard Visa. 钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡。 One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃。 Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡。 Love the neigh...

英文 英文笑话

As a speech pathologist, I often ask patients to tell me a personal story in order to get them to open up. Here's one man's tale: "My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. 'I'll tell you what,' he told ...

英文 英文笑话

8 things you'll never hear a man say 8) Here honey, you use the remote. 给，亲爱的，你来用遥控器吧。 7) You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big. 你知道，我也愿意再跟她约会，但她的胸部实在太大了！ 6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one mo...

英文 英文笑话

Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest softball throw. Noticing my surprise, the coach said, "That record will stand...

英文 英文笑话

For several years, my job was to answer all viewer phone calls and mail concerning the daytime television soap operas our company produced. One day a woman called wanting medical advice from an actor who portrayed a doctor on one of our shows. I explained...

英文 双语 英文笑话

The customer ordering a floral arrangement from my shop was giving me very specific guidelines. "Nothing fragrant," she instructed. "Nothing too tall or too wild. And no bright colors, please. My house is decorated in beige and cream. Here is a wallpaper ...

英文 双语 英文笑话

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained. The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here'...

英文 英文笑话

We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR class I teach. "Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pant pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying, ...

英文 双语 英文笑话